Monday, February 05, 2007
Lost,distance and traps
Hey guys!How are ya'll?
Boy, is school busy these days I actually feel like I've no time for anything else but sleeping and eating! It's so depressing but lets hope its all worth it in the end coz I sure hope it is!
So I guess I should get straight to the point...i feel lost, distant and trapped by many different things! But of course the devil is making sure that its my relationship with God that suffers!Just for a change ooo if I could get my hands on him I tells ya!grr! My relationship at the moment with God seems lost and distant from me...o of course every night I'm shooting prayers up to him but they're the shopping list prayers ya know God help me with this help this person etc etc...I mean I know how to pray, I've listened to countless talks/seminars on this but it's in my head and not my heart! One of the main reasons I'm shooting up these prayers is because I think to myself 'that'll keep him happy, that'll please him!' But ya know it's probably making him more angry with me wishing that I would just hang with him and tell him what's on my heart even though he knows fine and well! Another thing I'm really not seeking forgiveness like I ought to! I went with my friends to Newtownbreda Baptist last night..yes, any excuse to get out of Raffrey trust me! And the whole talk and worship was based on forgiveness. We were taught how to forgive just like Jesus and it struck a cord in my heart and I'm really going to be thinking about it for the next few things.
I really feel werid in my walk with God now. And I totally accept all responsibilty for it! Coz God is always there. It just feels like I'm doing things and going places just for the sake of rountine and its as if I'm there in body and not mind. I know my friends are suffering but it's because I feel to ashamed to confess what is going on so I'm avoiding the people who know me best coz I know they'll find out whats wrong eventually. What about the trap I think I'm falling into? Well based on general observations in my church every Sunday morning for the past like 5 years...I think I can safely say that there is a thing such as a 'Raffrey Christian' the one who turns up for everything with a big smile but who are the biggest bunch of fakers. This makes up about 3/4 of my church. Don't get me wrong there are loads of geniue people in my church too and I love them dearly but unfortunately for others its in their minds and not their hearts. My minister trys hard and I wish him Gods blessings but I don't think it's enough anymore. Raffrey needs to take action...but when have presbyterians liked change? The moderator proved this 2 weeks ago! He did this whole guilt trip with the young people saying that we should remember our presbyterian roots and not leave because we want more up to date music! Eh the dude completely contradicted himself like...coz he said the presbyterian church is declining-Hello, should that not send off alarm bells in his headed. It's the church that needs to change! I guess the comforting thing I'm holding on to is that I know that I have God in my heart and that I chose the good life not the easy life so I just gotta get on with it!
Anyways...on a happier note. I took 14 girls for a cookery class in GB tonight. Those girls do make me smile and I'm so proud of them all and even though I do find it a burden sometimes when I get landed with them I always come around to them. So do you want to see their master pieces?
Pretty cool aren't they? These where my favourite made my Tily and Taylor!
There has been too much going on with life at the minute. There is so much to do and so many sacrafices to be made! I hate growing up! I have to build a website that appeals to an older generation within the next 2 weeks. I've got to start getting stuff ready for making Tims wedding invitations. I gotta get stuff prepared for GB next week. And I gotta start my R.S coursework on martyrdom.....which is snoresville! I wanted to do it on monks! Aww well hopefully I'll be able to be encouraged tomorrow as my prayer triplet are praying at break! Can't actually wait so I can see how other people pray! LOL!
By the way check out the link its my playlist for the week!
Prayers would be greatly appreciated right now! I'm being to think a life of monasticism (being a nun or monk) may not be that bad at all at least I would stay devoted to God. Talk to you later guys hope you're all doing good and don't judge me too harshly just finding things difficult right now and I'm rather upset about it. U2's words sum it all up brilliantly.....
'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.'
Byes!
Labels: GB, God, life, Raffrey, school
On 21:35, Rach J let go.
