Sunday, February 25, 2007
The future...
I have just had one of the most heart-wrenching talks with my 8 year old brother, Matthew. He came into my room and I knew by the sad look on his face, watery eyes and pugged lips. "I have this problem. I've had it since last night."
After a little persuation he told me that he was worried about when dad was going to die. Because my dad is 52 now, so he's worried that he's going to die when he is still very young. I mean what am I meant to say to that when I know he's right. It could happen. I just explained to him (while I was trying to hold back my own tears) that God has a plan and even if dad does die whenever he will be a lot happier in heaven than here on earth. He really was cut up about this and I couldn't/can't believe it. He must have really thought over this a lot. I mean I have too, I've even had dreams about being at the funeral and what people would say, what I would say and I've woken up wondering if it actually happened. Death is one of the hardest things to deal with and talk about.
But just after this my little brother was giving me advice because I couldn't find my digital camera charger. So he said I should pray about it so that I could find it. He even supported his theory by telling me a story that he heard at kids club. Maybe he is going to end up being a minister???Lol!!But sure enough I took his advice and there I found my charger. I told him and he said "sometimes our eyes decieve us but they don't decieve God." How amazing is he! I love him so much, I really hope our relationship stays strong as we grow up!
Well I g2g I'm watching Princess Diaries 2 with him now, how cheesey!But sure.Aww I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow, I've to go up the mournes somewhere I think for Georgaphy fieldwork. I hate it. I'm just not fussed on the whole walking up mountains and being in rivers thing. But it's got to be done I guess.I really should have a more positive attitude towards it and then it would be easier done. I hope I have fun!Please pray that I don't fall!!
Talk soon
xXx
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentines Day-The Day of Love!
Yes its the day that everyone puts in their diary....especially singletons like moi.
Ehh nah...I can safely erase that last sentence...but I won't coz its a good introduction!
So to distract myself from the hipe and jokes about valentines and indeed singletons, I decided to think about what love is....or rather who love is.
Love is God. Jesus. Holy Spirit.
"God loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3v16 (*How famous is that verse?*)
If there was no God there would be no love.
If God had not sent his son, there would be no love.
God gave us the ability to love, care, show kindness, trust etc.
I think the best kind of love is agape: selfless love of one person. (especially love that is spiritual in nature.)
So today I am comforted by the fact that I believe with all my heart-God loves me. He shows me more love than any valentine, secret admirer, rose, card or chocolates ever could.
But when I think about it more...God has already given me my valentines gift...his son.
I leave you with the lyrics of U2's newest song- Window in the skies! I love it! You gotta really think about the lyrics.
Hope you had a great love day!O and happy birthday to my cousin Naomi!
Window in the skies:
The shackles are undone
The bullets quit the gun
The heat thats in the sun
Will keep us when there's none
The rule has been disproved
The stone has been moved
The grain is now a groove
All debts are removed,
ooh
Oh can't you see what our love has done
Oh can't you see what our love has done
Oh can't you see what our love has done
What it's doing to me
Love makes strange enemies
Makes love when love may please Soul in a strip tease
Hate brought to its knees
Sky over our head
Can reach it from our bed If you let me in your heart
And out of my head
Oh can't you see what our love has done
Oh can't you see what our love has done
Oh can't you see what our love has done
Oh can't you see what our love has done
What it's doing to me
Oh oh oh hhhhhhhhhhh
Oh oh oh hhhhhhhhhhh
Please don't ever let me out of here
I've got no shame
oh no oh no
Oh can't you see what love has done
Oh can't you see
Oh can't you see what love has done
What it's doing to me
Oh I know I hurt you and I made you cry
Did everything but murder but you and I
But love left a window in the skies
And to love I rhapsodize
Oh can't you see what love has done
to every broken heart
Oh can't you see what love has done for every heart that cries
Love left a window in the skies
And to love I rhapsodize
Oh can't you see
| Window in the skie... |
Friday, February 09, 2007
Perspective
Hey dudes and dudettes! How are ya'll?
How has your week been?
Mine has been up and down I guess all week. So difficult and I'm finding it really hard to be the only committed Christian in my group. I have to be so careful in the way I react to things and I've been so close to tears this week. I feel continuelly judged. I can't be grumpy without being accused of being rude or not being a good christian or being arguementitive! It's like I'm being controlled by my peers and not God. I mean I do love my friends it would just be nice to have someone I can really count on who is perhaps stronger in their faith than I am or going through the same thing! I miss Sara! And I'm pretty jealous of you baby coz you have a nice wee network of Christian friends in Down High! *jealously strikes* lol!! So this weekend I have planned to plug into God and really listen to him for guidance. I'm planning to go to mannafest 2morrow night and then I have to do something on Sunday night...Lol....i shall get something planned. Coz I opted out of going to the Beach Club on Sunday night....i mean yea I'm going to go 2 a club where drinks are £2 and is ID only (therefore my friends are taking fake ones!) and on a Sunday night- I don't think so!Lol.
So today I did have a little perspective in my view of christianity. It is hard work. All over the world. But it is the only faith that I've seen that even though you can be at the lowest point in your life...you can still feel a glimmer of hope and your able to smile through your tears. We had a talk in R.S today from Open Doors. This wasn't the 1st talk I'd heard from these guys but I was only 12/13 the last time I heard it and I'm sure it was toned down a lot back then. It was horrific to hear of the stories of tradgeys! I found it so hard to go back to normal classes and a normal day again! I actually felt unwell. I just can't believe that I can be loved the same amount as the people in places such as North Korea,China,Indonesia etc who are being tortured for their faith and not recanting. I am going to find it difficult I think to write this essay!Lol. In light of this I'm so glad that I decided to go to Czech this summer. It means I can finally do something for God rather than just talking about it! It's going to be filled with challenges but that's the only way I'll grow! Me and my friend Sarah (Wilson) are team evangelists now...lol she is going to Kenya in summe too. Shes amazing!
If you guys get the chance then check out the link for this post. Its a video clip that I seen this week at Newtownbreada Baptist and I thought it was pretty cool! It's about the power of forgiveness.
Well guys I'm going to head on coz its actually 22.43 at the mo coz I ended up calling Sara in the middle of typing to discuss this weeks events. Lol! Love it! Well have a great week guys and don't give the postman too much bother with all those cards you're going to get this week!I hate Valentines...but it's just coz I'm bitter in that whole area! Lol!
(Friends make things so much better!)
Loves
Rach
Rach
xXx
Labels: friends, mission, random, school
Monday, February 05, 2007
Lost,distance and traps
Hey guys!How are ya'll?
Boy, is school busy these days I actually feel like I've no time for anything else but sleeping and eating! It's so depressing but lets hope its all worth it in the end coz I sure hope it is!
So I guess I should get straight to the point...i feel lost, distant and trapped by many different things! But of course the devil is making sure that its my relationship with God that suffers!Just for a change ooo if I could get my hands on him I tells ya!grr! My relationship at the moment with God seems lost and distant from me...o of course every night I'm shooting prayers up to him but they're the shopping list prayers ya know God help me with this help this person etc etc...I mean I know how to pray, I've listened to countless talks/seminars on this but it's in my head and not my heart! One of the main reasons I'm shooting up these prayers is because I think to myself 'that'll keep him happy, that'll please him!' But ya know it's probably making him more angry with me wishing that I would just hang with him and tell him what's on my heart even though he knows fine and well! Another thing I'm really not seeking forgiveness like I ought to! I went with my friends to Newtownbreda Baptist last night..yes, any excuse to get out of Raffrey trust me! And the whole talk and worship was based on forgiveness. We were taught how to forgive just like Jesus and it struck a cord in my heart and I'm really going to be thinking about it for the next few things.
I really feel werid in my walk with God now. And I totally accept all responsibilty for it! Coz God is always there. It just feels like I'm doing things and going places just for the sake of rountine and its as if I'm there in body and not mind. I know my friends are suffering but it's because I feel to ashamed to confess what is going on so I'm avoiding the people who know me best coz I know they'll find out whats wrong eventually. What about the trap I think I'm falling into? Well based on general observations in my church every Sunday morning for the past like 5 years...I think I can safely say that there is a thing such as a 'Raffrey Christian' the one who turns up for everything with a big smile but who are the biggest bunch of fakers. This makes up about 3/4 of my church. Don't get me wrong there are loads of geniue people in my church too and I love them dearly but unfortunately for others its in their minds and not their hearts. My minister trys hard and I wish him Gods blessings but I don't think it's enough anymore. Raffrey needs to take action...but when have presbyterians liked change? The moderator proved this 2 weeks ago! He did this whole guilt trip with the young people saying that we should remember our presbyterian roots and not leave because we want more up to date music! Eh the dude completely contradicted himself like...coz he said the presbyterian church is declining-Hello, should that not send off alarm bells in his headed. It's the church that needs to change! I guess the comforting thing I'm holding on to is that I know that I have God in my heart and that I chose the good life not the easy life so I just gotta get on with it!
Anyways...on a happier note. I took 14 girls for a cookery class in GB tonight. Those girls do make me smile and I'm so proud of them all and even though I do find it a burden sometimes when I get landed with them I always come around to them. So do you want to see their master pieces?
Pretty cool aren't they? These where my favourite made my Tily and Taylor!
There has been too much going on with life at the minute. There is so much to do and so many sacrafices to be made! I hate growing up! I have to build a website that appeals to an older generation within the next 2 weeks. I've got to start getting stuff ready for making Tims wedding invitations. I gotta get stuff prepared for GB next week. And I gotta start my R.S coursework on martyrdom.....which is snoresville! I wanted to do it on monks! Aww well hopefully I'll be able to be encouraged tomorrow as my prayer triplet are praying at break! Can't actually wait so I can see how other people pray! LOL!
By the way check out the link its my playlist for the week!
Prayers would be greatly appreciated right now! I'm being to think a life of monasticism (being a nun or monk) may not be that bad at all at least I would stay devoted to God. Talk to you later guys hope you're all doing good and don't judge me too harshly just finding things difficult right now and I'm rather upset about it. U2's words sum it all up brilliantly.....
'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.'
Byes!
Labels: GB, God, life, Raffrey, school