Sunday, April 15, 2007
4S's-Scared, Sick, Sleepy, Sore!
So, yea guys.... I'm sick.I hate it. I woke up this morning and could hardly open my eyes. Mum had already been in so I dragged myself out of bed to discover that my whole body was all achey. Not the greatest feeling in the world. I ventured downstairs which proved to be tricky coz I'm really light headed...which is making me think I have like an ear-infection coz it effects your balance etc and I've had it before. Who knows? You aren't allowed to see a doctor unless you've had the same feelings for 3 days! So my day has consisted of sleeping, drinking apple juice, watching My Girl 2, revising...O and did I mention sleeping? So basically this covers the last 3 S's....Sick, sleepy and sore!
Onto SCARED.....my heart is tensing just typing that word.
I personally think it should be erased out of the english dictionary...but who am I?!
Why am I scared?
Because the easter holidays are over. And I've done very little work. I know that starting back this term means the season of stress. Yes, 'kids' do get stressed. Well I believe we do. In fact, last year I made myself sick out of worry. During and while waiting for exam results. I've been thinking if that's what is wrong today. Am I so wound up, nervous and anixous that I'm sick?! I'm not sure how though....how could stress amount up to this? My exams haven't even started...they don't start until 13th June....which on Friday was only 2months! YIKES! I don't want to fail. I don't want my emotions to take over, but right now I'm letting them 'win'. I've wanted to move to a Grammar school since I went to High school....what if I mess this 'dream' up?!? I can't. (Actually kinda teary eyed!) I really do not know what to do. I can't and don't really want to ask God for help. I mean I haven't even been talking to him recently so why should he help me with this fear!? Am I going to run out of steam? It's the fact that every so often my heart kinda beats twice...like over itself if you understand me and it doesn't feel good. I don't want to be over reacting but I don't want to under react either. I know that all of this is a pile of poo. I'm being silly, I'm being haunted by my own self doubt. Sleeping is the only thing that kinda stops it once I finally get over to sleep.
I guess what I need right now is prayer? Seeing I'm too scared right now to pray for answers.
(On a lighter, happier note.....got a passport form....mum made a mistake but we have a back-up one so it's just to filled in later tonight then dad is getting it verified tomorrow and off it goes!)
Thinking of everyone who is entering this 'joyous' stress season....try to do it with a little more enthusiasm and courage than me!
O yea.....and guess who is going to be entering the UCAS system now! Me the joys! Just another thing to ponder and freak out about! Yey! Life is so hard...do you think dying is easier?! I feel so guilty about complaining about this and talking about how I feel coz it's not like I'm someone in Africa who doesn't know anything about God and who has to learn and worry about surviving everyday. Gosh I'm so wrapped up in my own life right now! So pray for people in poverty too please!!!
I'm going to go before I write anymore crap!!
Labels: guilt, life, scared, school, stress, studying
On 21:23, Rach J let go.
