Sunday, September 23, 2007
Sunday Christian
Due to recent events, I've been thinking.....
Am I just a Sunday Christian?
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Waking up on a Sunday morning forcing myself to get up and get dressed up. Go to Bible Class, listen to the weekly gossip and contently listen to the message in Bible Class, not daring to question one thing I've heard. I make my way over to church trying to not to be too paranoid as I walk in and certain people take a mental registration of my attendance. As I take my seat I paint on a smile and try to pay attention. Trying to sing with joy, I try to pray but I've found a new way of doing this....basically not! I read the bible just for reading it, not because I believe its going to change my life or thinking but because its part of the service. During the sermon I tune out either by reading or by staring into space thinking is this t?
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The worst of it is, I thought I'd changed. I thought I'd be able to live out what I'd learnt in the Czech Republic. But I've failed. Which was one of my worst fears about coming home. I try to get by during the week just praying to God before I go to sleep...which ends up with me falling asleep. Or when I'm worried and stressed. I've begun to live my life my way....AGAIN! I think I can do everything myself, without God. Mainly because I don't believe I deserve his mercy, grace and help. And I think I can do it myself.
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I've never felt more lonely, because after being in Czech...I now know what I'm missing. But I don't know how to get it back.
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But will I get it back if I go to SU, if I go to Raffrey, if I go to mannafest, summer madness or in fact the Czech Republic...I doubt it. Coz maybe it's not gone at all....more like its me thats lost.
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I guess deep down I have an idea how to get it (and by 'it' I mean my relationship with God) back the question is- Do I really want it?
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Sorry guys, I doubt any of this even makes sense! I've just found myself blabbering on!!
Monday, September 17, 2007
School...my favourite topic-NOT!
So I think I'll just start with a lovely conversation that I had with one of my 'friends' today..
We were walking into the assembly hall, as I was planning to meet my friend Sarah for lunch. Helen asked me as we were walking through....
'Are you going to SU today?'
'No I don't think I am, coz I didn't really enjoy it last year.' To which she replied...
'SINNER!'
'I don't see why I should go when I don't enjoy it and I don't think that gives anyone the right to say I'm not a Christian.' Then I walked off.
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I was really angry. I mean this is meant to be one of my sisters in Christ. I hate it when Christians get up on their high horse! I mean yea, I know its so easy to do sometimes. But I have been nothing but nice to this girl even though all of my other friends ignore her.
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My general rant is not complete. Because I am doing 4 subjects this year (for now) I don't get careers on in my timetable. Last week we got these forms with our predicted grades and a table to fill in your 5 course options...there was no date to say when we had to hand it in so I called in to see Mr O'Hara during one of my study periods (which I don't get many off) to ask when. He completely didn't know what I was talking about and just started to talk about when our UCAS forms have to be completed..............................ehhhhh and that scared me!!! It has to be done by next Friday, yea NEXT Friday (28th). And I have to do it myself coz I don't get time in school. AAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!! So tell me when I should I stop freaking out?!?
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Lets try never!
Labels: rant, school, teachers, UCAS
Monday, September 10, 2007
Captivating
Celebrate guys....this is my 70th post! Woohoo! (*cough* ahem maybe not!)Read and meditate on this....
Stasi and I lived many years of our Christian life in good churches, churches that taught us the place of worship and sacrifice, faith and suffering, and gave us a love for the Word of God. But in all those years the central ministry of Jesus was never explained to us. We understood, as most Christians do, that Christ came to ransom us from sin and death, to pay the price for our transgressions through his blood shed on the cross so that we might be forgiven, might come home to the Father.
It's true. It's so wonderfully true. Only...there is more.
The purposes of Jesus Christ are not finished when one of his precious ones is forgiven. Not at all. Would a good father feel satisfied when his daughter is rescued from a car accident, but left in ICU? Doesn't he want her to be healed as well? So God has much more in mind for us. Listen to this passage from Isaiah (it might help to read it very slowly, carefully, out loud to yourself)...
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
To proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
to comfort all who mourn,
And provide for those who grieve in Zion
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair. (61:1-3)
This is the passage that Jesus pointed to when he began his ministry here on earth. Of all the Scriptures he could have chosen, this is the one he picked on the day he first publicly announced his mission. It must be important to him. It must be central. What does it mean? It's supposed to be really good news, that's clear. It has something to do with healing hearts, setting someone free. Let me try and state it in words more familiar to us.
God has sent me on a mission.
I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and realease something.
And that something is you.
I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.
I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight against him.
Let me comfort you.
For,dear one,I will bestow beauty upon you
where you have known only devastation.
Joy, in places of your deep sorrow.
And I will robe your heart in thankful praise
in exchange for your resignation and despair.
Now that is an offer worth considering. What if it were true? I mean, what if Jesus really could and would do this for your broken heart, your wounded feminine soul? Read it again, and ask him, Jesus-is this true for me? Would you do this for me?
The LORD their God will save them on that day
as the flock of his people.
They will sparkle in his land
like jewels in a crown.
How attractive and beautiful they will be! (Zech. 9:16-17)
Here is the core reason we wrote this book: to let you know that the healing of your feminine heart is avaliable, and to help you find that healing. To help you find the restoration which we long for and which is central to Jesus' mission. Let him take you by the hand now and walk with you through your restoration and realease.
Taken from Captivating- unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul. pg 93-96Written by: John and Stasi Eldredge.
This book has been tough to read so far, and tough to swallow but its been worth pushing myself to read it. I encourage all women to read this amazing and potentionally life changing book. And men to not despair there is one for you guys too called Wild at heart.
Read and re-read this offer (as I will). It's one worth meditating on and talking to God about!
Labels: 70, captivating, God, heart, soul, women