I'm learning to let go.

Monday, October 15, 2007
Two Realms

I love Velvet Elvis. It has revealed so much to me and the reason it has taking me so long to read is because I read a bit and then think and meditate on it. So yesterday in church (yea, when I was meant to be listening) I read this bit.....

Two Realms.

Now if there is a life of heaven, and we can choose it, then there's also another way. A way of living out of sync with how God created us to live. The word for this is hell: a way, a place, a realm absent of how God desires things to be. We can bring heaven to earth; we can bring hell to earth.

For Jesus, heaven and hell were present realities. Ways of living we can enter into here and now. He talked very little of the life beyond this one because he understood that the life beyond this one is a continuation of the kinds of choices we maker here and now.

For Jesus, the question wasn't, how do I get into heaven? but how do I bring heaven here?

The question wasn't, how do I get in there? But how do I get there, here?

True spirituality then is not about escaping this world to some other place where we will be forever. A Christian is not someone who expects to spend forever in heaven there. A Christian is someone who anticipates spending forever here, in a new heaven that comes to earth.

The goal isn't escaping this world but making this world the kind of place God can come to. And God is remaking us into the kind of people who can do this kind of work. pg 148-149 (selected parts)

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ME again: So what I think it boils down to is heaven VS hell on earth. Everyday we have the choice as to whether we decide to bring heaven to earth or hell.

Everyday.

The simple things. Such as when your friends are gossiping about someone you but in and say something really positive about them. I can choose to obey my parents rather than disobey etc. Its the small and the big choices that help to advance heaven on earth rather than hell.

I think I need to start choosing to advance heaven with the small things now, so that later in life I can handle and recongise the big.

***************

T'shuva

The remaking of this world ia why Jesus' first messages began with 'T'shuva, for the kingdom has come near.'

The Hebrew word t'shuva means "to return". return to the people we were originally created to be. The people God is remaking us into.

God makes us in his image. We reflect the beauty and creativity and wonder of the God who made us. And Jesus calls us to return to our true selves. The pure, whole people God originally intended us to be, before we veered off course.

Somewhere in you is whom you were made to be.

We need you to be you.

We don't need a second anybody. We need the first you.

The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God's version of our story. We achieve and we push and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image. Longing to find an identity that feels right.

Longing to be comforatable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth.

Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is trusting that I am loved. That I always have been. That I always will be. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven and trhere is nothing I could ever do to lose this acceptance.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you. There are no accidents. We need you to embrace your true identity, who you are in Christ, letting this new awareness transform your life.

That is what Jesus had in mind.

That is what brings heaven to earth.

This is our invitation. To trust that we don't owe anything. To trust that something is already been done, something has been there all along.

To trust that grace pays the bill. pg150-152.

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This book is truely amazing and it feels like God makes me read it when he's trying to tell me something. I mean that last section is what I'm trying to deal with right now. It blows my mind.

You gotta read it. I'm considering buying this book for so many people for Christmas!

On 16:58, Rach J let go.
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Thursday, October 11, 2007
I'm not alright.

Usually, I don't blog about what's really going on deep down inside of me. I never wear my heart on my sleeve but at the same time I'm so vunerable. I don't even really know why I'm saying any of this and I'll be shocked if I actually get this posted.

But I'm lost.

With life, people, in school work and chiefly from God.

I don't even know how to explain how I feel right now.

Numb.

I guess.

It's like I'm at the valley of a mountain and screaming at the top of my lungs but sound isn't actually coming out.

There are so many thoughts flying around my head and I can't stop them. I haven't been able to stop them since Czech.

I feel even more screwed up since I've been to Czech. Coz before hand I did such a great job of hiding everything and putting things out of my mind but now I don't seem to be able to.

Each time I get hit with something else that brings me down I run the opposite direction from God's arms.

But I just don't even understand why he's there with open arms!? I mean he sees my actions and knows all my thoughts so why is he still there and still wanting to help?!? I really feel like my grip on God's hand is slipping and I kinda feel like letting go.

But a part of me is saying no you can't. Do you really think life will be better without God in your life?

I just don't know anymore.

Today I was reminded of this sweet ass song though.....

V1 If weakness is a wound
That no-one wants to speak of
Then cool is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune;
I only wanna be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I loose my need to impress?
If you want the truth- I need to confess

* CHORUS
I'm not alright,
I'm broken inside, broken inside;
And all I go through,
it leads me to You
It leads me to You

V2 Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Till everything to hide behind is gone
When I'm open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I'm not that strong

And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved (closer to you)
And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved (closer to you)
And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved (closer to you)
And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved I'm not alright,

I'm broken inside,
broken inside
Ohhhhhhhh broken inside, broken inside;

And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You I'm not alright, I'm not alright, I'm not alright
That's why I need you.

On 17:09, Rach J let go.
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Saturday, October 06, 2007
Roma

Rome was pretty awesome. There was a lot of good bant to be had and I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much if it had not been for the people I was with. But I do have to say I was disappointed with Rome, it didn't live up to my expectations. It's quite dirty, the italian men well are completely sleezey, the food on a whole was pretty awful, the traffic is scarey and nothing is in one place. I mean there is no actual center or square everything is spread out. Which meant we walked on average 13 miles a day. The trip felt so long when in actual fact it was only 3 days long. God revealed a lot to me particularly on the plane ride over, I was reading Velvet Elvis and boy, its such good stuff. Thats why it's taking me so long to read. But I felt the need to share it with someone and so that night I was talking to my friend Helen,who I had planned to read it to. Then our two other room mates came back from hanging in other people's rooms and I said 'O you're just in time for a little story.' Our teachers then later came in and I said 'aww you're just in time for a bed time story.' And she asked 'What's it about?' And I was like 'Em-Salvation.' She laughed. And then in the morning asked how my sermon went! But it became our little tradition and I read to them every night before we went to sleep. Random. LoL!

But I took a lot of photos...although a lot of them didn't really turn out very well coz we didn't have a lot of time to stop and take what I would call 'proper' photos. So here a few of the best ones....

Termini Station...right across from our hotel